Unpolished Recovery
Unpolished Recovery fearlessly dives into the raw and unfiltered tales of triumph over addiction and alcoholism. We believe that true healing begins when we embrace our stories' messy, imperfect aspects. Whether you're someone seeking inspiration on your path to recovery, a friend or family member supporting a loved one, or simply a curious listener, this podcast offers eye-opening and uplifting insights.
Unpolished Recovery
Hope in the Midst of Addiction
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Join us on an incredible journey this episode, as we introduce you to Frank, a beacon of hope and a testament to the transformative power of recovery. He shares his grueling odyssey through addiction that started in his teenage years, a path that led him to an eight-year prison sentence, yet ultimately, to a life of sobriety and service. With unflinching honesty, Frank reveals his struggle with methamphetamine, the darkest periods of his addiction, and his moment of realization in prison that propelled him toward recovery.
Recovery Journey
Speaker 1Welcome to Unpolished Recovery . My name is Trey . Most stories of recovery start with how bad addiction was , how they entered recovery and how great life is now . That's a polished story , my name is Chris .
Speaker 2I'm your co-host of Unpolished Recovery . Our guest today's name is Frank , who of course , is in recovery . He's a good friend of mine . I've been had the privilege of watching his recovery process and become the man he is today . One of the other things he is is he is a staff member here at our recovery support program . He's been working here a little over a year , Frank , Full-time a little over a year . But you've been affiliated with the program for how long now ? Almost four years now . How long have you been cleaning sober ?
Speaker 3Four and a half years .
Speaker 2Congratulations .
Speaker 1Before we get too far in . I think people need to understand that he's a good person because he's a Braves and Bulldogs fan .
Speaker 3Absolutely . Thanks for throwing that in there , Chuck You're welcome .
Speaker 2It just depends on who it is . You're also a graduate of this program , right ? Yes , you came in about four and a half years ago . You graduated on time , right , six months after you got here , the standard time in the program yeah , about six months and two weeks , I remember really well .
Speaker 2So , like I mentioned , you're open with anyone , that you're in recovery , that you have a history of substance abuse . How old were you the first time you're introduced to drugs or alcohol ? It's the very first time you ever experienced that change in the mind from taking a substance .
Speaker 3Well , I mean , I was about 15 , you know typical high school kid , you know getting with my friends and you know we drank smoke weed . You know it started out real fun .
Speaker 2Nobody told us the monster it was gonna turn into . So how long until you realize , hey , it's not fun anymore . Like at what point do you remember that time when you're like I got a problem , I need help ?
Speaker 3Yeah , I'd have to say I was probably . It didn't take long , just a few years and you know , early 20s I realized I had a problem . But you know , I was in , I went on , I was in my 30s before I actually started to care that I had a problem . That makes any sense .
Speaker 2And what is your drug of choice ?
Speaker 3Methamphetamine .
Speaker 2How old were you , if you remember the first time you used meth ? Yeah , I was 19 years old , 19 years old . And then you said how long did you spend in active addiction ?
Speaker 319, . Let's see , I guess I was 40 , probably 41 years old the last time I used meth , so that's your life , right .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's a long time Now . Were you strictly like once you went into addiction ? Was it only meth or did you start using other drugs like heroin or cocaine ?
Speaker 3Yeah , it didn't matter what it was . I went through bouts with everything . It just seemed like the meth was the one thing that stayed there . I went through phases with you know , I took plenty of pills , benzos , opiates . I had a little bout with heroin for a while towards the end , but yeah , meth was always there . That was the one thing I always , you know , I stayed true to , so to speak .
Speaker 2And I tell people I'm an addict in every sense of the word . You know you want my drug of choice . What you got , but the truth is is opiates . The first time I ever took opiates , it was like a key fit and a lock . You know I was like this is it , you know ? But I'd done other drugs . You know cocaine and , like I said , of course they had the desired effect . But you know opiates . Was that that aha moment that I thought I'd found something I've been looking for my whole life ? So I understand about that what you know . You said half a lifetime . You know 22 years .
Speaker 3Did your addiction ever lead any kind of legal issues or yeah , addiction was the base of pretty much all my legal issues . I ended up , you know , for many years I'd stayed catching simple possession charges , paraphernalia charges , you know what , not just managed to dodge the big felony , you know , until I was until you know , 37 , 2015, . I caught my first big drug felony with meth and ended up signing an eight year deal to serve in prison , in prison , yeah , did you end up serving at all ?
Speaker 3or why no ? I ended up serving about three years of it before I got out on parole , and then I just got off parole . When was it last year ? No , it was the beginning of this year . Yeah .
Speaker 1What was the felony charge ?
Speaker 3Possession of methamphetamine .
Speaker 2So when you went into prison , were you already ready to quit ? Did you hit a point of desperation Like , can you tell us a little bit about that process ?
Speaker 3So when you went into prison and then got to the point where you wanted to go to a recovery program and do something different , Well , you know , the first two years I was , you know , when I got to prison , I didn't realize that drugs were gonna be available like they were . And no , I had no desire to quit , no desire to change or anything . As a matter of fact , I used it as an excuse to continue using on the inside . I you know , for the first two years I was in , I used meth , suboxone , smoked weed , everything that was available . And I got mandated for this drug program . I spent a few months in it , using , and ended up . They ended up coming in on me and myself one day with a cup and I failed a drug test and just all you know , all reality come crashing down . I ended up failing the drug test , of course . And Did they remove you from the program for that ? No , because in prison , if you fail the initial test , they have to send it off to a lab . Okay , so they sent it off to the lab , I guess they , in .
Speaker 3A week went by , another week went by and you know I'd confessed to my counselor , you know , and she , you know she said , just hang on and let's see what happens . You know , let's see what they say when it comes back . Well , after about two weeks she called the lab and they said that there was no test there with my name on it . You know , and Not your bullet , yeah , yeah , and you know .
Speaker 3Then that's when it , you know , that's when everything clicked for me , pretty much , because over that of course of that two weeks , all I could think about was man , I'm fixing to lose my chance of getting out of prison , this place that I claim I hate so much , over a piece of suboxone . At that point , you know , and you know , I struggled with spirituality and throughout that time and there was no doubt in my mind when that test came , that test , I mean , virtually disappeared . That that was a God thing . You know , that was my chance . It's now . If I don't do it right now , it's never gonna happen . At least that's the way I looked at it , you know , and I haven't touched anything since that day .
Speaker 2So you think , just based on what you're telling me , do you think at that moment when that happened , when you failed the drug test and you were actually contemplate the consequences is , do you think that's one of the first times you ever made that connection ? Like ma'am , I condition my life is because of the decisions that I'm making . Is that kind of the process that went on there ?
Speaker 3Yeah , yeah , you know I had worked , I had self-manipulated . You know I had convinced myself for a long time that I was , no , nothing more than a junkie . That was , and I was going to be that way for the rest of my life , and I had allowed myself to reach a point that I was okay with that . I can't say that prison for me was miserable the entire three years I was there . And you know , I think they designed it that way .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , they did a good job .
Speaker 3But I , you know , it was just . It was crazy how everything just kind of clicked at once . You know Just the sheer terror of you know ending up not being able to get , you know , getting denied for parole because of a failed drug test and it like I don't know , it's hard to explain , it's just everything made sense , you know , and I realized that if I can't eliminate the drugs from my life , then this is where I'm going to be for the rest of my life .
Speaker 3you know , and it was just like a moment of clarity , like you know , like they call it yeah , if you will , yeah , so it sounds like , yeah , a pimp , and I'm a .
Speaker 2You know me personally , you know , one of my favorite phrases is it takes what it takes , you know , especially when your life's at stake . So you said that , yeah , that was it , so I take it . You ended up completing the program . You got your parole , Did you ? You said you got mandated to a recovery program or halfway house , or did you ? Was that what you were looking to do anyway ? Or ?
Speaker 3yeah , at that point , you know , that's when I started writing halfway houses because I knew , you know , I knew that the only places that I had a chance to go were I didn't know anybody that wasn't using it . At that point , you know , I didn't know one and my uncle was my only family member I was in contact with and , after everything I put him through , I wasn't , I wasn't coming back to his house , you know , but I am . Yeah , I wasn't mandated for a program , but I knew that I had to find , figure out something and I needed to . I needed help , you know , and so I started writing places . And then that's when a restoration house , you know , responded and I ended up getting in there , you know .
Speaker 2Now you had mentioned that that was when you were describing your prison experience somehow . The drug test you said it's the last time you've ever used . Yeah , it was that was that's how you have it .
Speaker 3Yeah , when that , you know , after the whole situation with the failed drug test , and then I found out that it was crazy , my whole mind , you know , my whole mindset changed . You know , there's a person in me that would have took that and been like , oh I got away with one , but I just didn't see it that way . That time it just , you know , that was my one and only shot . You know , I think God spoke to me that day .
Speaker 1And I'm sure there are other times where you probably had that moment where you thought you got away with it , but this time was different .
Speaker 3Yeah , absolutely , yeah , yeah , absolutely .
Speaker 2Well , when you got to restoration house , you know you know we've talked about in some of the other episodes , you know recovery support program , recovery 101 meetings , step work , sponsor , and had you ever tried anything like that in the 22 years that you were in active addiction ? Have you ever made any ?
Speaker 3Did you ever make any attempts to quit or no , I more or less had made a couple of small attempts to please my family . You know I went to treatment but I came . You know I came straight out of treatment and , you know , went right back to using .
Speaker 2You know let me ask you this . You said you started when you was 19, . You know went on for 22 years up until that time . You said it was the last time you ever used
Journey to Helping Others
Speaker 2it . What was the longest amount of clean time that you'd ever had free from all chemicals ?
Speaker 3Uh , none , I never had free from all chemicals . None , I had a couple of periods where I was able to do like 10 months without doing meth , but that's because I was drinking and smoking weed and popping Xanax the whole time , you know what about the inpatient treatment ?
Speaker 2Was you able to stay clean air ? Was it like MATs or what ?
Speaker 3The only times I went to treatment I was really young , I was in my early 20s , and you know they didn't . I don't know if they even did MATs back then . I don't know , it was forced , it wasn't like that .
Speaker 2But so when you come into restoration house , we're introduced to the 12 steps . You know what was your thoughts Like . What was that ? Like you know it's very structured program I've shared with a lot of people for , like your , your in your incarcerated , jail , prison , whatever , and all you can think about is being free . And then you get out and you get to the program and you're not so free and that's an adjustment . Like you know , those first , that first month you was there , were you still committed to staying on this path of recovery or Um , yeah , I , there was a couple of times I asked myself what the hell have I got myself into , that's for sure .
Speaker 3You know , when I sat down and , uh , you know , when I first got there and we went through the whole intake process and they started reading the rules and they just went on and on and on and on and um , some of the rules that were read , I was just like , what does this ? Got to do with anything , you know ?
Speaker 1but um , do you care to share an example of one of those rules ? I'm just curious .
Speaker 3Uh well , I mean , it's everybody's , uh , everybody's favorite one . Uh , you know , right there at the beginning , they do the whole . Uh , there's a there's a relational boundaries rule where you can't be in a relationship or talk to females for the first for six months . And I'm like you know , man , I just got out of prison . You know , that's the only thing on my mind right now .
Speaker 2But before we go any further , though , while we're talking about , like your initial reaction , fast forward four and a half years .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2What do you think about those rules and guidelines now that you enforce them with participants ?
Speaker 3Oh , uh . It's funny because now , when I sit down and do an intake with a , uh , with a participant , you know , because I stuck , I stuck to the rules . I was , I was at a point where I was so desperate that , even if I didn't understand it , and I , I I had , you know , no , there was no other , there was no , why not try what these people are suggesting to me ? And you know , I hadn't done nothing but screw it up my whole life . You know , because I certainly don't know how to live a life , a healthy life , you know , and so you know .
Speaker 3But back to your question . I sit down with them now and it's funny because I'll tell them I'll be like , you know , a lot of people don't understand . You know some of these rules , but I tell you what , man , the longer you stay , the more this stuff starts to make sense , you know , and even with the relational boundaries rule , I tell them I'm like man , look , you know , I said believe it or not , today , I think this is one of the most important rules in the program . It is .
Speaker 2It's an amazing turnaround .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Different perspective ? Absolutely yeah . Do you ever think you'd be telling people that ? You know that four and a half years later , you're a program monitor at the program . You're a big part of the day-to-day operation and giving I mean hundreds of other people you know throughout the years an opportunity like you had you know . So , yeah , it's remarkable .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah . So so tell us , now that we've gotten through intake , what was your sober living experience like ?
Speaker 3You know , for me personally , it was , of course , you know , needless to say , it was life changing .
Speaker 3You know , like I said , I was desperate , I had I knew . All I knew when I , when I first started , was that I wanted to , I wanted to stay clean and I never wanted to go back to prison and I was willing to do whatever it took . And so , for me , you know just , you know just just having faith in the fact that you know that things are in the in place , you know , for a reason , and that reason is to help me . You know , whether I understood it or not , it was a I was able to . You know I was able to , you know , actually work the program and and hell , today I'm in a place where you know I would have , if you would have told me several years ago that you , that I was , that I wanted to dedicate my life to helping other people , especially in addiction , I I told you to get out of my face . You know , and you know , it's just , it's crazy how much my life has changed and how much different things are for me today . You know .
Speaker 2When you , when you were I've mentioned before programs . The basic program is is six months , but we have the alumni program . When you got here , did you plan on staying long term or was just wanting to complete the program and leave , or was there a point that that changed , that you didn't believe you was ready in six months , kind of like what was it that ?
Speaker 3process like yeah , well , when I first got there of course you know my goal I thought that I was going to be able to . You know , since it's a six month program , then if I can complete the program , hell , I'd be cured in six months . That sounds like a pretty good deal , you know , but you know the more especially after serving three years .
Speaker 3Yeah for sure . But the more I you know , the longer I stayed . And you know , when I got to the point of graduating , you know my I thought I was going to get my certificate and be on my way , and I realized , when I got to that six months and I got that certificate , that the last thing I was ready to do was go out on my own . At that point , because of you know , everything that I had accomplished up to that point was , you know , a direct result of , you know , doing what was suggested of me to do , following the suggestions , and I didn't . Yeah , the last thing when I finally got to that point , the last thing I want to do is leave , you know , and you didn't stay as alumni for a long period but just to throw in there .
Speaker 2You also did things to get back like we have a lead position , we're peer led programs . You , you occupied that position which , just for people that don't know , that's like the first contact for a new participant . They come in , they meet staff , they get their intake but actual living in the program they'll have a lead of their area and you were that . You were basically helping people get adjusted to the program , kind of give them some direction . You know what role did that play in your ? Is that what led you to start ? Are wanting to work in recovery full time ? Just carry in that message . Was that the first experience you had with that ?
Speaker 3You know what ? Yeah , I , I it was . The reason that I took the lead role was because , you know , early on , the whole given back thing wasn't , wasn't my favorite part but , uh yeah , yeah , this is , yeah , it was work , you know , but , um , you know , I , I don't know , it's just .
Speaker 3you know , the longer I was here and the more , uh , the more I interacted with people , especially , you know , the longer I'm here , and that you know the people that when they come in they're so broken and they're so , um , you know , fragile , I guess you could say . You know , they don't know which way to turn , and , and you know that's exactly how I was when I came in and um , I , um , to have , you know , just it started with just , you know , if I can get , if I can help somebody , uh , to realize that that it , that it works , then I feel like I , you know , I've made a , I've made a , I've made a difference in the world . You know , if it's just one person , you know , um , it's um , you know there's no better feeling than that you know , to know that , that you played , that you played a part and you know , and you help somebody , you know , to change .
Speaker 2Well , we talked about , kind of , how you got to recovery , or you know what led you to get and help your your process through there . Uh , I do want to just real quick . So what ? What that was ? It's been four and a half years , that's not . You just said yourself you'd never done that before , nothing close . That's not . It an insignificant fee , it's a miracle , it's remarkable . So what are the things that you , now that you don't have parole or probation , now that you're not a participant in a program like , what are the things that you're doing to continue to maintain that sobriety , maintain growing as a man , an individual ? What are some of the tools you're using today ?
Speaker 3Well , some of them are . You know the basic tools that you know I started out , you know just , you know I've got a sponsor I go to . You know I go to meetings and you know I work in recovery , of course , and you know for me . You know , thank the Lord , I've got a . I'm in a place today where I'm able to not have to focus so much on staying clean and sober that I'm able to actually , you know , I'm able to work on myself , which is , you know , which . You know , four and a half years into it , and I'm a person that's never worked on myself in my life .
Speaker 3All I've worked on is trying to stick a needle in my arm you know , and so you know , just it's for me , it's the basics , you know , stay connected , stay involved . You know , and it's led me to a point where you know , I think you know , I think I want to do this for you know , for a career , I think I want to , I'm gonna , I want to work in recovery for a career .
Speaker 2Now , you just recently got a certification . Not long ago I did , and what was ?
Speaker 3that it was a CPRS certification certified peer recovery specialist .
Speaker 2Awesome , awesome , big difference from a few years ago . Yeah .
Speaker 1But it does work .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , those things you talked about , just you know the basics Now . That's things that you learned in the program . Right , that was your first time anybody ever showed you those things in there .
Speaker 3I mean for me . All the tools that I've acquired have come from the program that I went through yeah , well , real quick , let's trace got some stuff .
Speaker 2Before we close out , I would like , if you don't mind , to tell us what's your life like today . Well , what's some of the things you haven't your life that weren't there before , because I know you personally , so I have an advantage over people that's never met you . I know you're one of the most humble people that I know in my life today . I know that you are a caring person , that you will go if you can help someone . You're usually willing to go to any links to help them . You're compassionate . You're always if help is needed , you're always the first one to raise your hand . So kind of tell me what's life like today . Where do you get joy at ? Or do you have a joyful life , would you say ?
Speaker 3Yeah , I'd definitely say I'd have a joyful life , especially if you want to compare it to the life that I had . For me today , just having a normal life is a miracle . Coming from where I came from , I had lost everything , all the way down to my freedom , my driver's license . I didn't have credit , I didn't have money , I didn't have a home . You know , today I have all those things .
Speaker 3I've got a driver's license . I drive a car that'll get me from point A to point B . I don't have to worry about the cop getting behind me and pulling me over and whether I got anything on me or not I'm catching a charge because I don't even have driver's license . I've got a very loving girlfriend who loves me and I love very much . I've got I work for a tremendous , just absolutely wonderful group of people and you know , not one single person that's in my life today was in my life then and I think you know for me that's been a huge part of being able to make it . But I gotta say you know , my life is by no means perfect , but compared to what it was , you know , it's great . It is , it's absolutely great .
Speaker 2That's great . Well , thanks for coming in , sharon . Your experience ringing the hope with others , frank , it does make a difference . You know that Someone's story is very powerful .
Speaker 1Frank , thanks for joining us today . We believe here that stories matter and every person's story is important , and I hope that today someone hears your story and it means something to them as much as you being here has meant to us , To our listeners . Thanks for joining us and we look forward to you listening next time .